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Anything Vertical (Round Two)

If you have a guy dog, you know exactly what I mean.

Going for a walk is actually going for a whiz. And another. And another. Ad nauseum. Anything vertical – and even some things that are not – are fair targets. I’ve taken many dogs for a walk, so have had time to record and catalog the clinical definitions (i.e. mine) for the volume and extent of each urinary event:

The Initial Pee – Your dog walks nicely by your side until he spots THE TREE or post or hydrant that he always pees on. He spends a long, satisfying interlude at his favorite spot. You can practically hear the sigh of relief as he all but empties his bladder.

The Follow Up Pee – Those few extra drops that he didn’t expend on THE TREE are tossed lightly onto the second best tree or hydrant.

The Frantic Pee – Once again, he is by your side for a leisurely stroll until…he catches a whiff of compelling scent up ahead and wrenches your rotator cuff to get to it. His leg seems to stretch especially high as he hastily parts with two or three drops here.

The Chemical Analysis Pee – Back on the walk, he struts up to a innocuous spot – usually your neighbor’s yard debris neatly piled near the sidewalk – and spends what seems to be a lifetime sniffing it. After he has determined that a 7-year-old female spayed Weimeraner with a limp eliminated there, he delicately sprinkles it with a drop of his own signature aroma.

The Air Pee – It is beyond obvious that he has nothing left in his bladder but he insists upon lifting his leg anyway, all the while looking innocently at you as if to say “I know I don’t have to pee, but nature compels me to do this, so bug off.”

The GPS Pee – He finds a spot to do his business. Wait. No. Not that spot. This spot. No, wrong again. Over here. Just a sec. Here is better. Nope, not quite. Sniff, turn, look, sniff, turn, look, sniff….you get the picture.

The Second Thought Pee – As you walk past an impeccably manicured and landscaped yard, your dog makes a sudden U-turn, taking your arm and screaming sciatic nerve with him, and rushes to lift his leg on the shiniest hosta.

The Last Ditch Pee – You are about to reach the comfort of your own yard. You know the dog is as empty as most reality TV shows. Yet he stops at the mailbox for one last leg lift, even as you mumble “Enough already!” and practically drag him – with leg still raised – home.

What does this have to do with training?

Let’s see. If your dog is stopping and sniffing and peeing everywhere and on everything, then HE is walking YOU.

Determine the one or two spots where he usually pees, take him there to eliminate, and the rest of the walk is on your terms.

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